interesting website

power to share

I happened upon it while searching for guided meditations for kids.

full moon and eclipse

So, on Wednesday, we'll have a full moon and lunar eclipse. Sounds fun! I'm not sure if I'll fast or not for this eclipse.

February is the time of the Storm Moon, so I suppose the kids and I will do a little something for that. (Some places say the Storm Moon isn't until March, though, and that Feb. has the Ice Moon. Who knows? *shrug*)

The lady at the local spiritual supply store called me today to let me know my World Spirit tarot deck is in. That's something to look forward to in my malaise. I'm feeling very "blah" today and my bed is calling out to me something fierce. She also has a copy of Portable Magic she'll be keeping for me, as I'm very interested in learning to use tarot decks for magic. I borrowed a friend's copy and it's good to just know all the extra information about the tarot, IMO.

I'm not really a "practicing magic" type chick, but I am definitely into obtaining information purely for the sake of doing so. I do know that I need to start being more physical with my practice, as I tend toward only doing energy work and since my energy is so often scattered (ha!), it's not been the most reliable way of getting things done.

speaking of holes...

I came on a few minutes ago to blog about...who knows what. When I went to sign in, my computer didn't auto-fill in my info, so I had to try to remember what email account and password I had used for this blog. I haven't had it long, so one might think that would be a simple thing, but it wasn't. I've had so many blogs in the last two years, I can't keep these sorts of things straight.

So, I sign in using the correct account, but an old blog I haven't posted on since August came up. When I went to try to post something new on it (after going back and reading all the old posts, of course), the dashboard brought me to this blog, instead.

I'm fascinated. It seems I can't go back to that old blog now. Weird. Cyberspace... the final frontier.

Life is fun. =)

whole holes holed up in woe

As I sit here thinking about how spiritually important music is...and how we must be careful with the music we subject ourselves to because that music helps create our self-talk...I realize how porous the Soul, Spirit, Self (or whatever you want to call it) is. There aren't just two openings (head and heart). It's like skin...to the naked eye, it looks solid, but when you get closer and if you use a microscope, you see holes and liquid and movement. Holes everywhere.

Holes everywhere.

I wonder if that's why scientists, etc. find black holes so fascinating. Even out in the big, expansive universe, there are...holes. Holes symbolize potential. They symbolize integration. They symbolize the Unknown.

If I look at a hole, I don't see a void. I don't see emptiness. I see something interacting with its surroundings in a different way. The inherent purpose of a hole is not to be filled up, but if you do...be careful. The hole has its own contributions and they must be respected.

So back to the porous Soul/Spirit/Self. I like to think of Life as Perfect Imperfection. (Imperfect Perfection is a different thing.) As I was washing apples this morning, I saw one with a soft, mushy spot. Maybe it had been dropped, but the way the spot was formed led me to believe a bug had probably been involved somehow. The Old Me considered throwing the apple out. Bugs in apples? Eeeew! But, the New Me said, "Uh, duh. Bugs belong in apples. They grow outdoors, for crying out loud." and we had a good laugh.

That apple was perfect. If I looked at it and chose to see something "wrong", that was not the apple's problem. Even with it's blemish and uneven coloring, it was perfect. Perfectly imperfect. And, I can honor that.

I can honor it in people, too. When I look at my holes, I try to understand them, not just make them go away. A hole is not necessarily a sign of absence. A blemish is not necessarily as sign of injury or wrongness. There is a whole (ha!) flipside to everything around us. How much time do we spend pondering the holes versus filling them up so that they disappear and look like everything else around them?

Peace

Netflix, Netflix...how do I adore thee?

I felt more mundane than sacred yesterday and I think today will be more of the same.

Last night, I figured out how to have 2 queues in my Netflix account and I'm a bit stoked about it. Simple pleasures, eh? LOL I created a separate queue for my kids and now I won't choose to feel badly that I'm putting my films at the top of the queue, leaving them to suffer the unfairness that is my selfishness.

I value selfishness, so it's not like I was feeling badly about it every day. It's just that they've seen practically every kid movie there is at the library and we don't have cable reception, so they've been watching what we own when they feel like watching TV and that can get boring. I know. That's why I signed up for Netflix in the first place.

I love the instant play feature of Netflix. *sigh*

I guess this turned into a Netflix love post. My bad. I figure loving Netflix has got to be better than hating life, tho, right?

knitting >= meditating

I love knitting on circular needles. I love knitting, in general, but knitting on circular needles gives me a peculiar pleasure of which I can't seem to get enough. Maybe I just like knitting hats, but I'm pretty sure this applies to socks, too.

So, last night, as I was knitting with this fabulous baby alpaca and silk blend yarn, it dawned on me that in my moments of restlessness it's much easier to knit than meditate. Rather, it's much easier to meditate by knitting.

Last night, I ripped out stitches and began the project again twice. Each time was greeted with a thought of "this time I'll get it right" coupled with the realization that the actual knitting was such a peaceful activity (given said yarn), I had no problem doing it over and over and over.

In the past, I've tried to force myself to meditate when I felt restless. It's never worked out. Some might say I didn't sit there long enough or do it "right" or whatever, but that's just nonsense. When your body wants to do something, you should find a way to honor its desires. If my body doesn't feel like sitting still, who am I to force it to, anyway?

Knitting gives the body the motion it craves while simultaneously allowing me to sit on my butt. I tend to sit in the lotus position when I knit because: 1. it's more comfortable to me and 2. my crotch gets hot when I create things with my hands. (My sacral chakra in effect.) So, as I knit in lotus position, mumbling the names of the stitches ("knit one, knit two, knit three, pass slipped stitch over") and rocking to the beat of the knitting, my mind clears. I've yet to knit something so large that my hands run on autopilot, but I do notice a serenity come over me that is highly reminiscent of more traditional forms of meditation.

And, I like it.

I imagine lots of folks like it and that's a big part of why hand knitting is all the rage these days. You can create while quieting your mind. That's something our Busybody Society can appreciate, yeah?

I still like regular, ol' meditation. Don't get me wrong...nothing really beats just sitting with one's self, as far as I can tell. But, there are so many ways to meditate (social, productive, trance, etc.), it's always nice to "discover" that you've been doing another kind without being completely aware of it.

Off to do more productive meditation... The hat is almost complete.

to make love, first insert creative phrase

The fast was to be part of a cleansing ritual involving: shaving my head, going vegetarian, and practicing celibacy for the known future.

I chucked those three parts of it.

For some reason, the closer I got to the time to begin all that, the clearer I felt that that was not my path this time. I didn't need to go veg*n, again, because if I just eat less meat, my body will be good with it. I didn't need to shave my head, again, because I cut off the parts that were clouding my energy and I've released myself enough. I don't need to go celibate, again, because I'm clearer that the next person I have sex with will be someone I can make love to. Not just default love...I do that, anyway. But, active "I love you and want to be part of your positive sphere" making love.

Through the years, I've never really understood the point of "making love." I used to actually hate the term. But, now...I think I've gotten to a point of awareness where I can see and embrace the positives in all potentially limiting activities. (Yes, that means I view making love as a limiting activity.)

Of course, there is also the potential for expansion in making love, but I don't think it exists as often in the traditional, R-rated movie version of it. I could have been wrong, but when I thought of "making love" in the past, I mostly saw people having sex who wanted the sex to be limited to them and be limited in what it signified (otherwise, why call it "making love?").

"Making love" always seemed to be a boundary. It always seemed to mean some sort of exclusivity. It always seemed to imply expectations and demands.

I've never thought those ideas and feelings belonged attached to sex. Sex is such a freeing form of expression for me, "making love" felt like a chore. It felt stifling and in direct opposition to who I am as a free, independent woman.

But, now, I can embrace the fact that there are as many ways to "make love" as there are people doing it, probably. I've had to watch a lot of romantic movies to get to this point, but now that I'm here: I want the love-making that increases vitality, increases creativity, increases general well-being for all in the world. I don't have to subscribe to the "one and only" mentality behind so much love-making. I accept that a person can make love to 3 different people in as many nights (or fewer) and that will not detract from the love given at any given moment.

I can accept that love-making is more about sharing than consuming. It's more about giving than receiving.

Of course, this has always been how I defined "sex." Good sex, anyway. But, now, I just have one more thing to call it. Perhaps something more poetic: making love.

I don't know. I think I'd still take "making babies" over "making love," but we're not talking about procreational sex, are we?

I guess another issue I've always had with "making love" is the assertion (by the phrase) that it's possible to make such a thing. I mean, love exists. You can't "make love" by inserting a penis or dildo or finger into a vagina or anus or whatever anymore than you can "make air" by taking five, deep breaths. You work with it, you don't create it. You work within the realm of it, you don't claim ownership over it. It's a process, yes, but not one of creation. If it takes sex for you to express love, do you really love? Possibly, but it sounds like conditional love to me and I've rarely a use for such a thing.

Why isn't good conversation called "making love?" It's just as important, IMO. Why isn't cleaning the house called "making love?"

I'm looking forward to the day when I'm watching a film and witnessing someone thanking someone else for making love to her when all the other person did was dogsit or water her flowers. That's when I'll know sex is really worth all its descriptions.

I've been feeling so...clear...since the fast. I love it.

My next "adventure" will be the Wonderful World of Reiki. A friend suggested a book called Essential Reiki: Blah Blah Blah and I'll be checking it out from the library today.

Exactly how many balls can one person juggle at once? Apparently, if you're me, at least eleven.

and it circles back to itself

The only thing I ate yesterday was a golden delicious apple. I began eating it around 11:35pm and yes, it was delicious. I don't recall when I finished eating it, but I know I was neither savoring every bite nor devouring it as quickly as possible.

I ate the apple, then went to bed. While lying in bed, I wondered if I should get up and fix myself a meal. I hadn't eaten all day...surely I'd feel that in the morning or during the night, since I tend to have nightmares when I don't eat enough before bed.

I stayed in bed and went to sleep, anyway. This morning, I felt so frickin' refreshed! I felt extremely "normal" (biologically) and I had no trace of headache or dizziness.

Yesterday was supposed to be a spiritual thing for me (and anyone else who participates in that sort of thing, I suppose), but I wasn't concerned with gods, religion, etc. yesterday. All I could think about was the guy I'm in love with and I wondered what that meant.

I still don't really know, but this morning, I'm more appreciative of Love. I'm happy that I live in a body that recognizes Discipline and with a heart that recognizes Love in all its forms. As I was lying in bed this morning, debating whether or not to get up and fix myself breakfast, my three-year-old draped her languid arm around my neck and I was appreciative that I could recognize that as a Sign of Love instead of Something to Endure when Living with Needy Beings.

This morning, I feel...electric. I feel...dynamic. I feel like kissing. Kissing slowly and passionately and meaningfully. The kiss would say: "I see you and I love discovering you and I love you and that is enough for me. I wish you well."

Perhaps I will say that to myself later. Is it crazy to kiss one's reflection when one is 32 years old? I don't know. I'm not sure I care. Kissing is important. Humans should do more of it. I think we talk so much to keep our mouths busy, but really we should be kissing. I think mouths are more geared toward that than communication.

So...today. Today has begun well. I did what I set out to do and I've found myself in a better space because of it. In the end, I suppose that's what Ritual is for. It's not about religion or beliefs...it's about connecting to Self and Source and being able to climb outside the boxes we like to live in and say, "Oooh...pretty!"

Peace

unabashedly feminist

I love claiming feminism. As a woman, as a black (don't call me "African American" and limit who I am) woman, as a single woman (I don't use "divorced" b/c I refuse to continually reference myself to a male I'm no longer with), as a mother, as a black mother, as a single mother, as a HUMAN BEING...I claim feminism.

And, I'm proud that she does, too.

solar ecliptical fun

Today, I am fasting in honor of the solar eclipse. According to Hindu lore, it's been a religious tradition to fast for the 12 hours leading up to a solar eclipse, with absolutely nothing entering the mouth for the duration of the eclipse. (You can drink if you want, I guess, until the eclipse actually begins. That's how I'm interpreting it, anyway.) An eclipse can last up to 4 hours, according to what I've read. I figure if you've been fasting for 12 hours, 4 hours ain't gonna make you no never mind.

Besides, there is talk that digestion slows during a solar eclipse, so eating during that time isn't good for your health, regardless of religious following. That may be still more superstition, but...I tend to like superstition.

Interesting vid clip from India during a solar eclipse last September. This page gives some fascinating info about why a solar eclipse is beneficial (which kinda flies in the face of "traditional" Hindu beliefs about the inherent negative implications of one). I guess the page was specifically created with the double solar eclipse of July 2000 in mind, but the information presented is still worth reading, IMO.

I have been planning a life renewal for this particular day for the past two weeks and I awakened feeling very peaceful and emotionally full this morning. I noticed that before I even remembered that today is My Important Day.

The moon isn't New in my area until 10:43pm and the solar eclipse technically begins (as far as I can tell from this site) around 10:20pm EST. From the site:

"Greatest eclipse[1] takes place at 03:55:05 UT when the eclipse magnitude[2] will reach 0.9650. At this instant, the annular duration is 2 minutes 12 seconds, the path width is 444 kilometres and the Sun is 16° above the featureless horizon of the open ocean. The central track continues north before gradually curving to the east where it ends at local sunset at 04:31 UT. During its 1 hour 10 minute flight across our planet, the Moon's antumbra travels approximately 5,600 kilometres and covers 0.59% of Earth's surface area."

I feel like I have no idea what that means. LOL Does that mean the eclipse will last an hour and 10 minutes? I need to know when I can eat, ya know? Another site clues me in better (leave it the Aussies):

" The annular phase runs from 03:19:43 to 04:30:55 a.m. Greenwich Mean Time (GMT)."

Oh, yay! The eclipse will last one hour, eleven minutes, and 12 seconds. Good to know.

So, I've begun my fast and I've taken my bath. Now, I just need to shave my head, but I've got to wait on the moon and sun to get their acts together for that part. I'm glad the eclipse is only lasting about an hour, because I don't want to be up all night waiting to make my New Moon Wishes. I, personally, follow Jan Spiller's recommendations for NMW, but I found this info on about.com. I may incorporate some of those ideas into my practice...starting on the next New Moon. LOL

Off to the library, yarn store, and supermarket. I fast weekly, but I still like to test my ability to steer around four kids while feeling noticeably lightheaded. Don't we all?

tomorrow, tomorrow, and tomorrow, again

Tomorrow:

-there will be a solar eclipse
-there will be a new moon (you can't have a solar eclipse w/o one)
-will signify the beginning of the new Chinese year: the Year of the Rat

I find this very, very exciting. All of the above signifies "a beginning." In addition to those beginnings, we have the fact that all this is occurring during 2008, which also signifies a beginning (in numerology, 2+0+0+8=10, then 1+0=1, which is the beginning of the cycle...2007 signified the end of the cycle b/c 2+0+0+7=9 and in numerology, you generally work from 1-9).

So...all these new beginnings and during the Age of Aquarius, too. I'm practically hyperventilating over here.

Seriously. Stand back. I need air.

that's right...cuz inefficient cars sucketh

Sir Mark Moody-Stuart is perhaps living up to his surname and saying that the EU needs to ban cars that don't get at least 35 miles to the gallon.

He had me at "ban."

I don't keep up with cars (except to push for more electric ones and hybrids), but I did notice there was a Lotus Tesla car mentioned at the end of that article and I think I orgasmed a bit. A car named after Tesla? Is this right?

After I knit a cap, I'll have to google it. I'm fascinated.

for evolution, just add ice

I found this article about life potentially evolving in/from ice interesting. I didn't realize freezing had that sort of impact on RNA. If I didn't have knitting to do, I'd sit and read more about it.