streaming thought

I have a fascinating dream life. I'd go so far as to say my dream life is more interesting than my real life.

Recently, I had a dream with shadowy figures in it. I call them mud entities, because I don't know how else to describe them. I keep thinking about the dream and what the entities represented: me, others, spirit guides, what? I'm not sure and it's driving me a little mad, because I have a feeling the dream is significant and none of my current theories about what it meant ring true for me.

Reading about how humans got started on this Earth, I've run into a lot of alien stories. Many African tribes tell us that we came from the stars. Apparently, the Illuminati believes at least some of us came from space. I don't generally care about all that, but I did have an out-of-body experience once in which I was definitely not a human. It was very cool. The furniture and bathroom (especially) were just like human stuff, but much larger.

Some people think stuff like that is crazy. I've always been the sort of person who was fascinated by stories like that. I've never really cared if I had any experiences myself, I just thought it was cool. Probably has something to do with why I love science-fiction.

So, back to my mud entities. They weren't made of mud in my dream. That's just what I thought of when I tried to describe them. And, there was a point in the dream where the entity I was following needed to go into the earth. Like a hibernation of some sort. And, it decided to go into a shack, instead, and smoke a cigarette. Only, it had no mouth (or eyes or nose). When the sun fully rose, it disappeared. Just *poof*. Gone. And, the dreaming me stood there, stunned. Then, the real me woke up wondering what the dream was about and who the entity was.

I often have dreams about myself as another entity. Or there are a couple of me in the dream; one acting and one observing. I've always felt separate from myself, if that makes sense. I've never felt like one person. I'm easily three or more people in one life, one body. My dreams seem to bear that out.

There's a horror film in which a girl walks up to herself. The "herself" she's walking up to has her back turned to her walking self. I've had moments like that in dreams. It seems like whenever I ask my spirit guides to present themselves to me, one is always me. She always looks like me or has my energy.

I think that means I'm my own guide in this life. I've known that all along, but getting confirmation is still unsettling. Everyone looks to me for guidance. Even my self.

I'm not sure how I feel about that, yet. And, I'm not sure the mud entity was me. I'm also not sure it wasn't.

reflections of a life current

the surprise was not that you were

gone

the surprise lay in that fact
the fact that the mirror

remained

true or false?

Truth.

Is there such a thing as truth? There are facts, but truth is often subjective. We often pit truth against falsity and fact against fiction, as if they mean the same thing, but they do not. Not inherently.

All truths are not facts. I can say so-and-so is a nice person. That may be true, but it is not necessarily a fact. It can't be proven. I can give many instances to use as proof, but "nice" is an idea and a concept and, hence, can't be quantified in a way that we can use it to describe anything with absolute certainty.

So much of life is opinion. I often wonder why we bother to pretend we know anything at all. Today, someone told me, "Electrons exist is actually true." Is it? We call them electrons, but what if that is wrong? Or, what if we allow ourselves to see things that are not there just to prove our existence to ourselves?

When I first watched The Matrix, I loved it. (As most existentialists probably did.) I found the posits quite common-sense. Someone had finally made a movie that mattered. However, the more you figure out, the more questions there are. The Matrix has now become a part of human subconscious, on many levels. People wander around telling others to get out of the matrix. Kinda like people used to go around telling others to think carefully before taking the red or blue pill. It's not that these ideas are new, but some of us now have a clearer visual for them and more folks feel comfortable expressing their understanding of those thoughts.

But, the film leaves a lot to be desired (and I won't even bother thinking about it's sequels). For instance, if they were in the matrix before, once they're unplugged, how do they know they're not in another matrix? B/c it makes no sense for robots to be controlling folks like that. What matrix is behind the matrix? There is always one, right? How can we know (or not know, as the case may be)?

That's the problem with knowing. Or claiming to know. Because you can't ever really know. You can simply think you know. That frustrates many people and it causes us to create all sorts of beliefs.

But, isn't it highly likely that none of this is real and there is no such thing as fact? The thing about living is that it demands trust. You must trust that there is a reason, grand concept, something behind life or you find yourself wondering why you're living.

And, what if you're only living because you've yet to choose to die?