amethyst

I'm working with amethyst, again.

Amethyst is in the quartz family and is regarded as a good crystal to work with when overcoming addictions. (I find it cute that there is a company called Amethyst, Inc. that's geared toward helping women overcome addictions, violence, and poverty.) It's also good for helping with psychic abilities.

What am I using it for? Clarity of thought.

I think. It's what I do, who I am. Thinker. As such, I get overwhelmed at times. So many thoughts, so little time! When I'm feeling like I need my thinking to be extra-clear and subsequently, uber-beneficial, I put my big amethyst crystal in my pocket.

I like the passivity of putting it in my pocket and going about my day. I trust that it's helping and I don't need to sit and meditate with it. I notice that when I do that, I have an easier time staying true to my goals. That's a problem of mine. Focus/discipline. I can easily be led astray. And, I usually enjoy it.

Lately, though, I really want to accomplish certain goals I've set for myself and so...in the pocket it goes. Sometimes, I think it's like carrying around a portable Spirit Guide. The "Good Angel". She's not on my shoulder, she's in my jean pocket.

Of course, there are times when I meditate with it. I close my hands around it and sit. Think. Sit. Think. Get up and go about my business. Those times have gotten rarer, though, as I find I benefit most from crystal-work when I'm active.

I guess it's no coincidence (or surprise) that this stone is the February birth stone. Aquarians are known for contemplation. I think I'll re-start my crystal study. I now wonder what the connection is with all birthstones and astrological sun sign.

what's your story?

We all have a story. Or, rather, many stories.

We tell ourselves things about what we’re going through, what we think of other people, how we should live our lives, how we would live our lives if only…

Lots and lots of stories.

Sometimes, I sit and wonder what life would be like if there were no stories. If I just lived in the Now and behaved as if the Past and the Future didn’t exist, how would my life be different? What would change within me? What would change outside of me?

I sit and I wonder and an answer comes to me. What would change? Nothing. Because the fact is that I’m not as significant as I like to tell myself. I say that I do such-and-such because I choose to do it, but what if such-and-such is choosing to get accomplished through me? What if I’m not the one in control?

I like to think I’m a servant of Life. It’s possible I only exist to be used. Some say we are only here so that Source can experience itself. I believe that. And, because I believe that, I agree that nothing we do is horrible. But, that doesn’t mean it lacks meaning. That doesn’t mean it lacks significance. It is inherently significant because it happens at all. Simultaneously, it is inherently insignificant because the purpose is simply to exist. To be. And, that means that no matter what happens, the situation and outcome are acceptable.

I could be wrong. After all, this is a story. And, what if there is no such thing as non-fiction?

I'm cleaning my attic.

I don't know how it happened, but my attic got really cluttered. I guess I wasn't aware that I was storing so much up there. I thought I was doing a good job at keeping most of my stuff stored in my heart area, but nope. The attic is getting more than its fair share and is now in need of a good cleanse.

Thank goodness for mudras and meditation and prayer beads.

Thank goodness for love and forgiveness and inquiry.

Thank goodness I don't keep too much stuff in my heart, because I'm starting to question if it's easier to clean the heart or the head and I'm answering, "Head."

My attic is a good place to store stuff because it has windows. If there's too much junk up there, I can open the windows and toss the rubbish out. Where is the heart's opening? In all these years, I haven't found one. It seems that the heart has more of a pore situation going on. Things seep into it and things can drain out of it, but there's no opening up one, huge hole and just tossing stuff in or grabbing things to toss out. The heart is trickier to handle.

If I don't want to think about something, I can simply think of something else, go somewhere else, look at something else, listen to something else, etc. If I don't want to feel something...well, I haven't figured out how to stop feeling things. Not the Heart Things, like Love and... What else is a Heart Thing? Now, that I'm thinking about it, I think that's the only one.

It's funny to me how the heart (or what we call the heart) Loves and all other emotions stem from choices. I've been testing this theory out and reading about it for years, and it seems to be true. The nature of Self is to Love...everything else is a choice. And, what is the Heart if not the Self? So many words for the same thing. I get exhausted trying to differentiate them.

I used to think that when someone's heart felt heavy, that meant s/he was sad or somehow emotionally compromised. Now, I realize that a heavy heart is a heart full of Love. A heart literally full of Love...so much so that it feels like it's about to burst. These moments don't only occur when we're feeling happy, because sadness is just Love With a Twist. As is anger. As is fear.

I have to go, now. My heart is heavy.