pride

I find pride to be one of those slippery topics. Many insist that "good people" aren't proud, but a huge part of healthy self-esteem is pride, so I always wonder why anyone would want to be considered "good" if you can't be both.

I guess the real issue is not pride, but too much pride. I'm never sure what quantity one has to have in order to have "too much," but there obviously is one. It's not objective, though. (As if an opinion could be.) "Too much pride" varies depending upon with whom you're dealing. And, since so many people are incredibly insecure, this can pose a problem for more confident people.

I've been called "cocky" a lot in my life. Mostly by males. Mostly by males attempting to subdue me in some way. I have been confused and amused by it, but in the end, it simply drove me away. "Cocky" is rarely seen as a compliment, although I'd think that patriarchal men saying a person acts as if s/he has a cock would be a good thing given how enamored males are of their cocks. But, it's not. If a person calls you cocky, s/he's insulting you. The degree of the insult depends on other attributes applied simultaneously. If you're cocky and sexy, you may get a break. (But, be prepared to be called an asshole later.) If you're cocky and dumb as hell, no one will want to be your friend (unless you come across folks who are dumber than you and subsequently equate cockiness with strength of character).

Relationships can be so complex.

"Cocky" is another word for proud. Being the introspective person I am, I've always wondered if I'm truly cocky. At the moment I'm called such, I get a bit indignant and tell the observer to fuck off, which I'm sure only strengthens the opinion. But, I know that my "problem" isn't pride, which is why saying such a thing to me is so insulting. It's usually said when I refuse to bow down to someone or feel lower than someone simply because he's a man. It's usually said when I am seen as being the more intelligent in the talking pair.

And, that's not said to be boastful or proud. Perceptions can be tricky things and opinions are nothing but perceptions. To another, I can never be more than that other perceives me to be. Period. If you view me negatively, you will be on the lookout for proof of your opinion almost constantly. Same for if you view me positively. That is our nature as observant, judgmental humans. I have no qualms with it, but as a discerning person, I choose what I will and will not subject myself to.

Today, I was reading about pride, why it's not beneficial, and ways to overcome it. The steps given were: learn to recognize your pride, express gratitude often, and learn to laugh at yourself. It's that third part that really touched me, because anyone who knows me knows I laugh at myself a lot. Not just a lot. A lot. I'm not into self-deprecation, but I can recognize when I'm being silly about something and if I happen to have a clumsy moment, I'm cracking up. I'm a serious person, but I don't take myself as seriously as others seem to like to take me.

So, this little blurb on pride says, "People who have the problem of pride rarely laugh at themselves. Engaging in humor at your own expense shows that pride isn't the problem, and that if it is, it's one you're determined to deal with!"

It felt uplifting to read that because I've never felt pride was a problem for me, but I do believe in looking at the observations of the ones around myself and learning from them. I'll admit that people who've called me cocky in the past didn't know me well (and attempting to insult me isn't going to help one on that path), but I truly believe that there is something to learn from every encounter.

One thing I've had trouble accepting is that sometimes the thing to learn from the encounter is that you're too good to keep interacting with that person. I guess I'll figure that one out soon.