letting go

There are very few things I have a difficult time releasing. I'm one of those naturally unattached people. It has occasionally been the reason for conflict with others, but I don't see the problem with it. (Must be more of that unattachment.)

There are some things, though, that annoy me and I can't seem to detach from the thoughts I have about them. For instance...my treadmill.

I bought my treadmill b/c I had wanted one for years and wanted to be able to walk whenever I felt like it w/o leaving my house. Two very good reasons, I think. And, I've used it plenty in the last year. Plenty. But, for some odd reason, I get pangs of guilt whenever I don't want to get up and workout on it every morning. Guilt leads to regret and regret has always seemed to me to be a pointless activity. Yet. Yet! I can't seem to release this particular mindfuck. (I don't know what else to call it. It's my self talk that's the problem. Not the treadmill or my life or my body, etc. Just my thoughts.)

If this thought process was about anything other than my treadmill, I'd say, "Self, get over it. If your body wants to do something your mind resists, give in to your body and see where that takes you." Why can't I do this? Why is this not so simple?

I have no idea.

I used to do it. I used to get out of bed every morning and walk/run on the treadmill whether I felt like it or not. After all, feelings are inconsequential. They fluctuate too much to base a life upon them. When I fight my productive thoughts, I generally feel anxious as a result. And, that's what's happening now, I suppose, b/c working out on the treadmill is a "good" thing. It's of benefit.

I just don't want to do it.

I decided to do the yoga and pilates instead. The treadmill called to me. I decided to stay in bed and lounge around instead. The treadmill called to me. I decided to get on here and blog about it instead. That damn treadmill won't shut up!

I'm just going to do it. *sigh* Obviously, the power the treadmill has over my heart is tremendous. As I type this, my mind is saying, "Yaaaaay!"

Traitor.