and it circles back to itself

The only thing I ate yesterday was a golden delicious apple. I began eating it around 11:35pm and yes, it was delicious. I don't recall when I finished eating it, but I know I was neither savoring every bite nor devouring it as quickly as possible.

I ate the apple, then went to bed. While lying in bed, I wondered if I should get up and fix myself a meal. I hadn't eaten all day...surely I'd feel that in the morning or during the night, since I tend to have nightmares when I don't eat enough before bed.

I stayed in bed and went to sleep, anyway. This morning, I felt so frickin' refreshed! I felt extremely "normal" (biologically) and I had no trace of headache or dizziness.

Yesterday was supposed to be a spiritual thing for me (and anyone else who participates in that sort of thing, I suppose), but I wasn't concerned with gods, religion, etc. yesterday. All I could think about was the guy I'm in love with and I wondered what that meant.

I still don't really know, but this morning, I'm more appreciative of Love. I'm happy that I live in a body that recognizes Discipline and with a heart that recognizes Love in all its forms. As I was lying in bed this morning, debating whether or not to get up and fix myself breakfast, my three-year-old draped her languid arm around my neck and I was appreciative that I could recognize that as a Sign of Love instead of Something to Endure when Living with Needy Beings.

This morning, I feel...electric. I feel...dynamic. I feel like kissing. Kissing slowly and passionately and meaningfully. The kiss would say: "I see you and I love discovering you and I love you and that is enough for me. I wish you well."

Perhaps I will say that to myself later. Is it crazy to kiss one's reflection when one is 32 years old? I don't know. I'm not sure I care. Kissing is important. Humans should do more of it. I think we talk so much to keep our mouths busy, but really we should be kissing. I think mouths are more geared toward that than communication.

So...today. Today has begun well. I did what I set out to do and I've found myself in a better space because of it. In the end, I suppose that's what Ritual is for. It's not about religion or beliefs...it's about connecting to Self and Source and being able to climb outside the boxes we like to live in and say, "Oooh...pretty!"

Peace